Tuesday, June 16, 2009

GREATEST. HALF-ARSED. CLASSIC. EVER.


Media analyst and online satirist Scott Bridges' post ("All tip and no iceberg") lampooning Peter Costello's unrealised leadership ambitions is greeted with superlatives: "Greatest. Hypothetical. Ever." and "Stone. Cold. Classic.". Here's the first paragraph of this satirical classic:
This guy — let’s call him Peter — walks into a brothel but has no money. His mate — let’s call him John — promises that if he can go first he’ll shout him a root when he’s done. But John reneges on the agreement and refuses to lend Peter the money. Peter notices that John has left his wallet sitting on the table, wide open, hundreds of dollars hanging out, nobody in the room watching, but Peter lacks the courage to take the money out of the wallet. However, John finally leaves the brothel after staying for way too long and infuriating the working girls by saying that erections were a “non-core” promise, and gives Peter the money he promised him ages ago. But even then Peter can’t work up the courage to go and purchase himself a shag.
Brothel? What's the connection to an iceberg? Is the brothel meant to be a metaphor for parliament or perhaps Australia? Why does a broke Peter go into a brothel in the first place? Why does John ask his mate to let him go first when Peter has no money for a root anyway? Did Peter not do the right thing in not taking money from John's wallet? Are the prostitutes meant to symbolise parliamentarians or the voters of Australia? Do prostitutes become infuriated at a customer's failure to get an erection? What the Hell does any of this have to do with Peter Costello and John Howard?

Read the whole post and decide for yourself if it's a classic, or never developed beyond the "half-arsed idea" stage.

58 Comments:

Anonymous alex said...

It's just not funny. Not "I love Peter Costello, so I'll refuse to find it funny even if it's the most hilarious thing ever written." Just. Plain. Not. Funny.

But are you surprised, Beck, that this is what passes for "The Best Ever" over there? The apparent crowning triumph of a group known for its rather unsettling obsession with scatological comments and innuendo about people's sexuality?

They think they're still in the school playground - and when we refuse to laugh at their juvenilia, it's proof that "The Right has no sense of humour."

Well, I, for one, found their frantic attempts to justify Guy Rundle's racist spew a fortnight ago absolutely hilarious...

7:15 PM  
Anonymous J F Beck said...

The comment above was removed simply to avoid a slanging match with the lefties. Judge Bridges' post on its merits and leave his occupation out of it, please.

8:07 PM  
Anonymous Margo's Maid said...

That. Thing. Where. People. Make. Each. Word. A. Sentence. Is. Very. Lame.

8:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oops

8:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's funny? Scott thinks that's funny? What an idiot the primary school teacher is.

8:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh come off it Beck, that's your stock in trade, you fucking hypocrite.

8:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't vote he's an idiot. But on the strength of that post, and others you've noted Beck, I do think he's a twat.

8:54 PM  
Anonymous J F Beck said...

Uh, I didn't bring up his occupation but even if I did, what would it matter?

9:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beck, after reading that remark I'm not sure whether you're playing stupid or if it's a natural trait. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say the former. You know exactly what the implications are of mentioning someone's occupation while you imply that they're some kind of pervert. And you probably drool on your keyboard as you do it.

9:29 PM  
Anonymous J F Beck said...

Where did I imply Bridges is some sort of pervert?

9:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who cares? Even Grods has moved on. Everybody has moved on except the pathetic Beck, who thinks that a blog needs to be double-blogged and deconstructed. What a wanker.

10:00 PM  
Anonymous J F Beck said...

This from a follower of "media analysts" who think and write about little other than Andrew Bolt and Tim Blair.

10:02 PM  
Anonymous J F Beck said...

I'll simplify it for you: I'm a righty asshole who blogs lefty assholes.

10:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks Becky. You got it in one sentence, minus the words 'righty' and 'lefty'.

10:23 PM  
Anonymous Ed Snack said...

Anonymous is sooooo brave, and stupid, irredeemably stupid. Congratulations anon, on making even an "arsehole" look good.

5:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So anonymous at 10:23, you just stated that Grods and PP are "arseholes". I'm sure your mates will be very pleased with you. Some friend you are.

7:41 AM  
Anonymous ar said...

Brothels usually have more than one girl working so there's no reason they couldn't both go at the same time. It might have worked a bit better if John specifically asks Peter to wait outside with the money.

9:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ar, but the problem (ok, 1 problem amongst many) is that taking John's wallet is a crime. Triggering a leadership vote is not a crime. The analogy just doesn't work.

9:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The guy should stick to primary school level humour.

10:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you Anon 10:50. Loved reading how Cream of Geese and good ol' dishonest Bridgit Gread are coming to blows. If Jezza could only remember all the lies Bridgit was involved with to help him out ... no loyalty there hey Jezza?

11:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice call anon 12:41, but perhaps Bridgit is not aware of the etymology of the term p rnography.

12:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So why lie for him?

2:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Bridgit", moons orbit planets, not stars. Stars also have no brains. Your analogy kinda sucks, really, doesn't it?

2:14 PM  
Anonymous Bridgit Gread said...

Ouch! Felcha do that.

2:46 PM  
Anonymous alex said...

At least Bridgit is being a good sport about all this - a far cry from her pals (Anonymous 9.29 PM, for example). An uncommon trait among the Left, and one I'd like to see more of.

4:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, we have an allegation from an obvious racist that someone has an attack blog, and won't provide the link to it. Classy.

"Throw down that dinosaur bone and liberate your mind, buddy."

What? Where do you get your metaphors from? First moons orbiting planets and now dinosaurs.

Hall seems a nice enough chap that is treated pretty badly by the Grodscorp people.

4:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bridgit it says a great deal about Jeremy Sear that he didn't (and I will use your terms) cut you loose a long time ago. I do not associate with frauds. He shouldn't either.

5:06 PM  
Anonymous Bridgit Gread said...

Yeah, fair enough. Let's get back to Sear, Loewy and the Pee-Pee Boyz.

5:49 PM  
Anonymous J F Beck said...

Wrong, Bridgit, this post is about Bridges' whorehouse comedy "masterpiece".

5:53 PM  
Anonymous alex said...

"Pfft that's Bridges and Kerri? Pfft mwuhahahaahahahaha. Who's the bearded bloke?"

I say, leave them alone. They look and sound like typical straight-out-of-university kids with crazy ideas that just won't work in the real world. Hopefully, they'll grow out of it. A conservative is often nothing more than a lefty who has been mugged by reality.

It's only when they make hypocritical claims about other people (such as calling certain bloggers racists, while meanwhile defending Guy Rundle's obscence "hypothetical" a few weeks back), or resort to the most vile and disgusting smears to intimidate others, that they have to be exposed for their foolishness. Otherwise, the kids are all right...

6:08 PM  
Anonymous J F Beck said...

Yes, I really should life the tone around here. I should ignore author and journalist Loewenstein and give Crikey's paid media analysts (and toadies) a pass. Perhaps a few posts on artificial vaginas, Pepsi bottle penises and supposed sexual innuendo in publications for primary school kids are in order.

6:37 PM  
Anonymous nic said...

Alex, they say a picture tells a 1000 words, and those photos say a lot. Given that the subjects have been known to comment upon the physical features of others, i'm subsequently amazed.

7:28 PM  
Anonymous J F Beck said...

The Pepsi penis post is more of Bridges' humour, why should I not point readers to it?

7:56 PM  
Anonymous J F Beck said...

It is slightly different in that the Pepsi bottle image was altered to make it more phallic whereas I merely quoted from an online news article.

8:21 PM  
Anonymous cosmicjester said...

So a sex joke is only depraved if it somehow involves photoshop? OK then.

8:23 PM  
Anonymous cosmicjester said...

didnt you say it was disturbing that a "school teacher" thought such things? nudge nudge wink wink

8:47 PM  
Anonymous J F Beck said...

The original post is here. Do you think it's a good idea for a primary school teacher to put such posts online. Yes or no.

8:53 PM  
Anonymous cosmicjester said...

has that post been altered beck?

8:58 PM  
Anonymous J F Beck said...

Yes or no?

9:00 PM  
Anonymous cosmicjester said...

I could have sworn that post had a different word in it originally, am I correct?

9:02 PM  
Anonymous J F Beck said...

First things first; yes or no?

9:07 PM  
Anonymous cosmicjester said...

Well the altered word goes to what your original implication was about Scott. So you did change the post right?

9:10 PM  
Anonymous J F Beck said...

No doubt many of those creeps are in education management.

9:40 PM  
Anonymous cosmicjester said...

Forgive me, last sentence "psychedelic" was meant to be "pedophilic"

9:53 PM  
Anonymous cosmicjester said...

Thanks for proving my point about anonymous threats from gutless cowards, and within 9 minutes.

10:05 PM  
Anonymous J F Beck said...

The threat exists only in your mind. Regardless, I'm turning comments off overnight.

10:08 PM  
Anonymous Bridgit Gread said...

Frightened of the Frankenstein you've unleashed eh?

10:11 PM  
Anonymous J F Beck said...

Nope, just don't want you lefties doing anything stupid like more comments linking Bridges with paedophilia.

10:13 PM  
Anonymous cosmicjester said...

Uh oh Bridgit, Frankenstein was the Doctor/Scientist/Whatever. You are thinking of Frankensteins monster. Oooops, I may have just spoiled Beck's next stunning take down.

Though it was hard to beat that time he revealed it was impossible for JFK to read Sweet Valley High novels.

10:15 PM  
Anonymous Bridgit Gread said...

Pathetic, Beck, even by your comparatively low standards.

10:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Others found it funny, you didn't. Deal with it, then move on. Alternatively, try something funny yourself and show him how it's done."

That's odd Bridgit. Honestly, how can anyone find that funny? Unless merely writing a paragraph with the names of the former prime minister and treasurer and the word "brothel" is inherently funny. Otherwise, the piece was completely illogical. It made absolutely no sense as a story in its own right (why would Peter go there in the first place with no money? etc. etc.) and it made no sense as an analogy to the real situation (why is not triggering a leadership spill the same as not stealing money from a friend)?

I'm not saying Scott isn't a funny guy (sometimes he is). Just that, here, it did not work. If you thought about it for a minute, you'd realise that.

It's not that lefties can't be funny, Jeremy, for instance, has on occassions, made me laugh out loud.

6:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Comicjester, there was no 'threat'. Speaking as a School Head, I spoke about how I would deal with Bridge's own account if I were his boss. I think you and Bridgit need to deal with it.

7:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If Beck's standards are "comparatively low" what are your standards Bridgit?

8:21 AM  
Anonymous Bridgit Gread said...

cosmicjester, the Sweet Valley High 'gotcha' was a classic. Of course the telling thing about that stunning factual rejoinder is that Beck obviously knows heaps about SVH, or he went running to Wikipedia to find out. Either way, pretty damn sad.

Anon @6.40am, comedy, like beauty, is often in the eye of the beholder. Beck didn't find the piece funny, to which I say 'so what'? If I wrote blog posts about satirical or personal pieces that I didn't find funny, from both the Left and the Right, then I'd never have my hands off the keyboard. The unfunny things I just read, roll my eyes at and move on. But Beck plays a different game, as we know.

By the way, Harry Truman, one of the US' better presidents, once said that he had the choice of becoming a piano player in a brothel or a politician, and that ultimately there wasn't much difference. I guess Truman was "half-arsed" with his analogy too.

Anon @ 7.33am, you're no more a 'school head' than you are the Pope. Go away.

10:51 AM  
Anonymous J F Beck said...

Jeez Bridgit, your screw-up was months ago; life goes on.

3:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anon @ 7.33am, you're no more a 'school head' than you are the Pope. Go away.

Why do I get the impression of a 3 year old with her hands over her ears crying 'not listening' 'not listening'

Can't handle it?

3:57 PM  
Anonymous Bridgit Gread said...

No, just don't believe it.

4:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bridgit, there is a difference between the truth and what you believe. Just as there is a difference between the truth and what you say.

8:11 AM  

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